Posts tagged ‘power struggle’

Parent Coach Tips: Who Wants A Parenting Makeover?

Your Parenting Cheat Sheet

Your Parenting Cheat Sheet

You don’t have to be ugly to benefit from a beauty makeover.  Parenting is the same.  You can freshen your outlook and results with a few tricks of the trade and simple tools that will stop your minor parenting issues in their tracks. 

Go Live. At a parent conference, workshop or course, you can get so much accomplished.  See how you are making power struggles last longer and more frequent due to a parent’s bad habits.  Communication Gears clear up so many repetitive conversations.  You get to ask questions and hear the coaching of other parents which in turn may help your family.

Read & Think.  If you are a contemplative parent or going through a divorce with emotional ups and downs; a book, blog, audio product or DVD may be a good bet.  You pick the where and when yet can stop at will.  This helps you understand parenting issues at the basic level.  You may miss how to structure a useful A + B = C Statement to manage tantrums with a child, but when it is reviewable, things start to gel so your parenting moments are smoother.

Talk Shop.  Do you use conversation to make a change or decision?  Then get with the Parent Coaching Hotline.  This is so hot, so new, so unheard of, parents don’t get it.  For under $96, you become a member plus get the eBook and Home Starter Kit.  Then, just $16 a month gives you access to a Parent Coach for unlimited topics, 30 minutes per topic!  One Dad called to check in on his idea to use his daughter’s Birthday party as privilege for how she was relating to the new family after his marriage.  In minutes, he had a confident, empowered plan that worked!

 

Your Family Can Work, Beautifully!

Your Family Can Work, Beautifully!

Cheat Sheet. Feel like you forget the logic you know when you get triggered by your child?  Parenting discipline includes having a structure  that is there for your “family” even when you are off.  The Home Starter Kit has it all posted for you.  Keep track of the current Agreements that work for your family, refer to the four Communication Gears when your child is Demanding the *%$@ out of you, manage your chosen Privileges to motivate behavior choices (and they do NOT have to match the neighbors), avoid sounding like an idiot in public with your iron clad Rights worked out, let them know where you will not negotiate with Parent In Charge situations, but give lots of appropriate power through the Child In Charge list.  If you haven’t seen it you gotta check it out!

Open The Door.  Ever wished Supernanny could come to your house?  It’s certainly possible.  What you don’t realize is how much your parenting can improve even if the family is not in crisis.  A Parent Coach can see so many patterns at work in your family that are hidden to you.  It takes usually 4 hours over 2 sessions.  Go from parenting fail to parenting that amazes even you!

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October 19, 2009 at 5:45 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coaching Tip: Get Started Already! Agreements Await

A big part of the Family Plan Starter Kit

A big part of the Family Plan Starter Kit

I’ve done some research.  Here’s what those I’ve asked have said;  when they hear about my program they immediately see value and like the concepts.  Here’s what else they say.  That they don’t get started right away!  WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  The results can’t happen without getting started, and believe me the results are the Juice of our program.  You can study Power Struggles all you want, but if you don’t change anything with your kids, nothing will change.

So I asked why and here’s what they say:

Too busy to really make the plan to present to kids

Didn’t know how to explain it to the kids

Couldn’t figure out all the the parts first.

Here’s what you need to know!  Stop acting like you have to figure everything out first and then have the heavens open and the angels sing to make a difference in your family.  Want to get started today?  Here’s how…

The NEXT issue that comes up in your family, notice it and mentally mark it for your first Agreement.After things settle down, say, “The way you and your sister were fighting didn’t wotk for me, did it work for you?”

Ask, “Do you want a family that works?”

Say, “What Agreement can we have that covers fighting that we can agree to have as important?”

Once they figure this out, ask, “OK so we agree to Be Gentle and Use Words When Upset, can you agree to that?”

BAM!  You have your first Agreement.  Stop waiting for your Fairy Godmother to fix it all up for you.  When you ask yourself and your family what they Want More Of and Want Less Of in the family, you will get plenty to make into Agreements.  Cars are a great place to have these talks.  If you have media on your car, TURN IT OFF!  Way better talks that way.

You can leave your inner evil step-parent in the dust and create the fairy tale family of your dreams.  Make it happen today!

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March 29, 2009 at 8:25 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coaching: Games Families Play

I was coaching a family the other day.  Great parents.  Strong marriage.  Cool kids.  They all reported feeling upset, frustrated and angry at one another on a regular basis.  Sound familiar?  Parents are often surprised that getting coached can help all types of families.  The idea that only families in crisis or misery can use coaching is a myth.  Even great families can see improved results.  Here’s why:

Imagine if your game came with no rules!

Imagine if your game came with no rules!

 The Game is On

When families come together, or get created, it is either by choice (marriage, adoption) or by birth.  The adults seem to have all the power and the children are struggling for that power.  However you got into your family, you are still impacted by the dynamics at play. It is as if there is a game being played without the playbook. 

Imagine you join a group with a hugely important job to do but there are no rules, the teams are unclear, the plan of action keeps changing, you are not sure how to get points, how to win or lose is a mystery and the objective has never been explained.  Sounds fun, huh?

 

This game is being played all over the world by families.  A good friend of mine once said, “In the absence of good information, we make things up!”  Sound familiar?  If parents and kids are all making up their actions and reactions without a plan, a goal, a playbook and general game play rules, the result can never be better than haphazard. 

 

Coaching Is the Approach

Getting coached is the equivalent of creating your family playbook.  Choosing the goals you have as a family defined as the kind of adults you want to set loose on the world, setting up your basic agreements, getting clear guidance on who is in charge of what decisions, what rights and privileges work for your family and how to communicate all of this to the group is where you define the game you play together. 

 

By offering parents a system to create their family as they would like it to be, we are affecting the lives of each member. Families that work have better days at school, are more productive at work, have less absenteeism to deal with behavior issues, enjoy less stress and are able to focus on contributing to others in a larger sense because they are not bogged down by the general concerns of a family that does not work. 

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November 18, 2008 at 7:50 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coaching: Communication and Power Struggles

After learning to use the video creation tool on Animoto.com, I am perfecting ways to highlight the value of our program.  Because I share the meat of our program, I tend to get wordy.  My challenge is to communicate value and insight to a person in a few minutes. 
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For the video in this post, the first slide shows a visual of the Communication Gears that teaches parents how to talk to a child depending on the result they need.  The beauty of this tool is that HOW you deliver a message tells the child the possible options.  You can hear more on this on the Audio Download entitled Commander to Coach
The second slide refers to how parents that mix up these Communication Gears cause more Power Struggles in their family!
The third slide is hilarious in that it is not something a parent would do to discipline a baby, ever, but we laugh because it touches the nerve of what I call, Fantasy Time Out.  When a family operates under Emotional Parenting stress, the results are embarrassingly bad. 
In the fourth slide, the concept of giving a child more of the kind of power that works for your family is called Appropriate Power.  Getting masterrful at that makes them struggle against you less. 
The final slide is one of my favorite concepts to teach.  When we stop resisting Power Struggles as proof of our parenting failures, you can look forward to each one as being the chance to be the Parent you always meant to be.  I know that parents are doing their best.  With Licensed 2 Parent Coaching, your best just got better!
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November 12, 2008 at 6:55 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coaching- Tips On Needless Power Struggles

Who Needs A Ball To Wear The Gown?

Who Needs A Ball To Wear The Gown?

A friend once described the biggest fight repeating in their household with their three year old daughter.  When they were leaving the house, the daughter wanted to wear her princess dress or fancy pajamas and high heels.  The Mom flatly refused, so there would be a regular tussle and yelling every time they left the house. 

As she told me this horror, she actually blinked at me, waiting to hear me agree that she indeed had it tough.  What I actually said was what I usually say when someone I know gives me the gift of seeing a parenting insight within their own lives, “Do you want some coaching?”

 
Before I go on, I must share that people who know me are fully aware of my focus on and vision for families.  If someone does not want my coaching, not only do I not offer it outwardly, I do not judge them internally.  That would interfere with my ability to make a difference, when and if they ever do invite my perspective, and it would suck to be around me.  I can’t have that. 
 
So back to the little princess… The Mom says, ‘What did you hear?”
 
I asked her why it’s not ok to wear a costume in public, for her.  She gave a few reasons that were along the lines of that it would be embarrassing, people would stare, they may talk and think ill of her or her daughter.  Your garden variety chatter that goes on in your head at 500 words a minute.  Wait… do you hear it?  The voice that said, “I don’t have a voice!”  That’s the one. 🙂
 
Right then, her eyes got wide and she saw that her reasons had nothing to do with supporting her daughter and everything to do with keeping up appearances.  There was a shift in her relationship and I had a new concept to share.  What you are in chage of and what your child is in charge of. 
 
In the Licensed 2 Parent program, we train you to think carefully about these and list them out.  Two things happen.  Things the parent thought they needed to be in charge of get moved over to the child.  This offers new opportunities for appropriate power to the child, reducing the need to create power struggles.  The other thing is that the kids get practice in managing aspects of their life under your loving guidance.  This builds their self-esteem, confidence, expression and independence in natural ways.  That is what future adults need practice in. 
 
My son loves to wear his clothes backwards, mismatch socks and shoes, and dress up in a Super Buzz Venom outfit to play outside with friends.  He looks like a goof, but I’m not in charge of that and he knows it.  When it’s time to pick up to leave for an appointment, he is cooperative because I am in charge of that, and he knows it.  That’s what I am out to create, families that work. 
 
PS The Little Princess lived happily ever after wearing her gowns about town for almost a year, after that she moved on to another fashion statement.  Mom still is going with it.
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November 9, 2008 at 5:27 am 1 comment


Dawn Roth

My mission is to cause a monumental shift in parenting as we know it! Wanna help?

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