Archive for October, 2009

Parent Coach Tips: Parenting In Public

Toddler Smack Down

Toddler Smack Down

It happened again.  I’m at a bagel joint minding my own business when the 2 year old at the next table hauls off and whacks mom in the face.  I get that sinking feeling that I get when I know I’m about to watch 1) a woman go parental 2)a child be stripped of all dignity 3) I get a front row seat.  Let the inner moan begin…

But wait, what’s that I see?  Did Mom just say firmly, yet quietly, You Do Not Hit! as she moved the wee one away from her to the next seat and effectively stopped being a target?  Yes!  And when the toddler puts on her best face of horror and begins the crying that fully involves her bottom lip, am I mistaken that mom is unmoved and turns her attention to the other people, talking with them until the girl quiets down?  No I am not!  I am enthralled…

What I am witnessing is impeccable parenting, technically sound reactions and skill building lessons that this child (and her new baby brother) will benefit from for their lifetime and beyond.  Hurrah!  But wait there’s more…now mom turns her attention back to her calm child and asks if she is done.  With a meek yes, she is scooped back up to an embrace and the loving interactions continue as if nothing happened.  It was nothing short of breathtaking.

How many times have we seen nails-on-chalkboard parenting in public that has us warring inside between speaking up, getting involved and butting out?  People ask all the time what to do.  Emotionally, you want to respond but it may make things worse for the child later.  Responsibily, you are compelled to act, yet it seems you are passing judgement if you do.  Practically, it is not appropriate to offer unsolicited advice or redirect a struggling parent.  In the case of extreme violence, you know what to do.  If someone’s parenting style doesn’t gel with yours, the line is more blurred.

Here’s what I suggest; look for, seek out, encourage and notice the parenting marvels around you.  When you see something done well, go out of your way to let them know you noticed.  I went over to the table, complimented the baby, asked the sister’s name, then looked into that mom’s eyes and told her the way she handled her child just now, was just… beautiful.  We both teared up in the moment.   

Teacher use praise to motivate behavior we want to see more of, but it must be specific, not Good Job.  In sharing exactly what was so impressive, she got valuable feedback.  Find the parents like her, tell them how happy you are they are rocking it.  It feels awesome!

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October 26, 2009 at 6:44 pm 1 comment

Parent Coach Tips: Who Wants A Parenting Makeover?

Your Parenting Cheat Sheet

Your Parenting Cheat Sheet

You don’t have to be ugly to benefit from a beauty makeover.  Parenting is the same.  You can freshen your outlook and results with a few tricks of the trade and simple tools that will stop your minor parenting issues in their tracks. 

Go Live. At a parent conference, workshop or course, you can get so much accomplished.  See how you are making power struggles last longer and more frequent due to a parent’s bad habits.  Communication Gears clear up so many repetitive conversations.  You get to ask questions and hear the coaching of other parents which in turn may help your family.

Read & Think.  If you are a contemplative parent or going through a divorce with emotional ups and downs; a book, blog, audio product or DVD may be a good bet.  You pick the where and when yet can stop at will.  This helps you understand parenting issues at the basic level.  You may miss how to structure a useful A + B = C Statement to manage tantrums with a child, but when it is reviewable, things start to gel so your parenting moments are smoother.

Talk Shop.  Do you use conversation to make a change or decision?  Then get with the Parent Coaching Hotline.  This is so hot, so new, so unheard of, parents don’t get it.  For under $96, you become a member plus get the eBook and Home Starter Kit.  Then, just $16 a month gives you access to a Parent Coach for unlimited topics, 30 minutes per topic!  One Dad called to check in on his idea to use his daughter’s Birthday party as privilege for how she was relating to the new family after his marriage.  In minutes, he had a confident, empowered plan that worked!

 

Your Family Can Work, Beautifully!

Your Family Can Work, Beautifully!

Cheat Sheet. Feel like you forget the logic you know when you get triggered by your child?  Parenting discipline includes having a structure  that is there for your “family” even when you are off.  The Home Starter Kit has it all posted for you.  Keep track of the current Agreements that work for your family, refer to the four Communication Gears when your child is Demanding the *%$@ out of you, manage your chosen Privileges to motivate behavior choices (and they do NOT have to match the neighbors), avoid sounding like an idiot in public with your iron clad Rights worked out, let them know where you will not negotiate with Parent In Charge situations, but give lots of appropriate power through the Child In Charge list.  If you haven’t seen it you gotta check it out!

Open The Door.  Ever wished Supernanny could come to your house?  It’s certainly possible.  What you don’t realize is how much your parenting can improve even if the family is not in crisis.  A Parent Coach can see so many patterns at work in your family that are hidden to you.  It takes usually 4 hours over 2 sessions.  Go from parenting fail to parenting that amazes even you!

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October 19, 2009 at 5:45 pm Leave a comment


Dawn Roth

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