Archive for May, 2009

Parent Coaching Tip: Do You Do Too Much For Your Kid?

No Doubt About Their Skills

No Doubt About Their Skills

Oh come on, you know what I’m talking about…clearing dishes, tidying up, carrying bags for them, all the little niceties that you just do naturally as a way to say I love you.  There is a downside to treating a child this way that you need to know about.  They learn that the world is a magic place where things are taken care of for them with no concerete idea how clean laundry ACTUALLY gets back into the drawer.  But wait there’s more…and it’s worse!

When you manage your kids lives, run the routine, skipper the schedule, you send a message to your child = You Can’t Handle This.  Not only are you training them to be lazy, entitled, dependent and unskilled (gasp!)  They honestly begin to feel that there must be a good reason they manage nothing, they conclude they must not be capable.

The Fix?  Step back, fight the urge to do for them and invite them to handle things.  If that makes you cringe…that’s your first clue this is necessary.  Look for this behavior: they tell you what’s wrong (they are hungry or tired or bored) and wait expectantly for you to solve that for them.  Now, you will reply:  Thanks for letting me know.  Anything else?  (Don’t forget to smile!)  Until they make a real Request, Do Not Act. 

Let kids struggle, fall short, fail, be confused, get uncomfortable, feel frustrated and wonder how it will all turn out.  You can offer sage guidance but do it from the side, letting them know it is ultimately up to them to manage.  Use the word Manage; as in, “You can manage that, I know it.”  This gives them real world practice in problem solving and the golden ring of self esteem building:  actual accomplishment!

May 28, 2009 at 8:09 pm 2 comments

Parent Coaching Tip: The Moment of Choice

The System My Program Teaches- It Is Different From What You Are Used To!

The System My Program Teaches- It Is Different From What You Are Used To!

I just checked…I’ve appeared 10 times in the last 2 months to deliver The Parenting Crash Course.  I open it with a 3 Question Pop Quiz.  I continue to be astonished by the overwhelming response to my last item.  I ask parents to raise their hand if they consequence their child when they break a rule.  98% of all hands go up EVERYTIME!  Is yours up?

I believe this is one of the things that is broken about parenting!  I call it the Scales of Justice Model.  When you approach discipline as an out of balance equation that requires a consequence, you are being dominating!  Too bad if you don’t like it, it is a fact.  Consider this; you have a job that needs you there by 9am daily.  After weeks of on time arrivals, you get there after 9am.  Regardless of calling to let them know or the reason, YOU ARE FIRED!  How would that feel?  How fearful of being late would you be in your next job?  It is not realistic in the adult world, but we do it to children all the time.

Imagine being a kid.  Stepping out of line is part of the process (remember learning to walk or feed yourself?) but everytime you mess up, you have an upset parent who takes your stuff. Are you living in fear?  You bet you are!  What effect does that have on your enjoyment of life?  How about your ability to cooperate and be a pleasure?  After 14 years we accuse teens of being sullen.  How would you react?  How did you? 

Learn about the A+B=C system and get another option.  Kids need a moment of choice from a calm parent who expects some corrections then provides guidance needed to develop coping skills.  Having the confidence to deliver that system means you both can have shorter and fewer Parenting Moments and get back to what matters, fun!

May 18, 2009 at 9:02 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coach Releases The Official Parenting Handbook!

I'm Wowed By This!

I'm Wowed By This!

On Mother’s Day:  A gift to every parent out there!

Even I’ve been wondering where I’ve been!  I just released (with the amazing assistance of my brilliant and truly patient husband, Daniel) The Official Parenting Handbook.  Here’s what you need to know:

You can read it in AN HOUR!

It will upgrade your parenting from OK to killer!

It’s a Reference book on the Study of Power Struggles

There is lots more info here:

May 10, 2009 at 11:47 am Leave a comment

Dawn Roth

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