Archive for April, 2009

Parent Coaching Tip: Types Of Crying & Then What?

What Type Is This?

What Type Is This?

There are 6 Types of Crying if you care to learn them.  BTW the crying behavior looks different at different ages, so by crying I also mean, whining, fussing, yelling, bickering, complaining, name calling, and general verbal outbursts.  This could turn your Power Struggles around instantly. 

Sad or Hurt Crying is when you need to respond.  Don’t assume though, ask.  Are you hurt crying?  Are you sad about your friend moving?  If they are, provide kisses, bandaids, ice, hugs, comfort, listen and sympathize at will.  This is when they need you and need to deal with a feeling to get it out. 

Happy Crying is just like it sounds.  When they are that Happy, join them!  If you happen to be the one weeping with joy, say that so they don’t fret over you!

Tired Crying or Attention Crying are a means to an end that you may be able to help them with.  Think long car trips with cranky kids or upsets when you are on the phone and you see the problem.  It’s not what they need, it’s how they ask.  Teach them to say, “I’m tired,” when they need help settling down or the activity to quiet.  Model for them saying, “I want attention,” when they crave a piece of you.  Let them know that you will indulge them unless you absolutely can’t but they need to ask another way.  This works amazingly, try it!

Silly Crying is when they are trying to manipulate those around them to a different result.  Think of this type of behavior as a fire which must be starved of any and all oxygen in order to smother it!  As soon as you have a cryer, make sure it is not another type, if they just want something they can’t get (at the moment), that’s TBSS (Too Bad SO Sad).  This is where our parenting backbone is tested.  Be clear that if they use this crying, NOTHING will happen and NOTHING will go their way.  Be confident and do not undermine yourself!  Let’em wail and wait it out (preferably in another room) when they have self control back, you talk.  Not before.

April 17, 2009 at 5:45 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coaching Tip: Pissed Parents Get Piss Poor Results

I am noticing a hidden trend with the Parents I am currently Coaching.  They get good at the basic program and deliver it well.  But there is a difference with their results.  They get more resistance, it takes more struggle to have a child choose to help create a family that works.  I began to wonder, what’s that about?

I figured it out.  Each time I talk to a family, I learn things.  What I learned this week, was this.  Take two Parents using the same program we teach.  One says, “You are not listening the first time, either do it now or we will talk abour privileges.”  They are calm, fine with this development, and ready to act if needed.  The other parent says, ” YOU are NOT listening the First Time, do you want to lose a Privilege, young LADY!?”  They are personally upset, disappointed and disapproving of the child. 

If you think there is no difference, you are wrong.  A child who has already lost your approval is not as motivated to choose what works because your family is not working RIGHT NOW.  A child who has a pissed off parent will find another way to get revenge or do other odd behaviors to avoid dealing with you the way you are.  It is truly facinating. 

Here’s the Coaching- Deliver the parenting in a calm, friendly manner.  If kids know they aren’t triggering your emotions, they won’t do t on purpose.  If they know you haven’t gotten upset, they deal better with being parented. 

Be cool, great job, good luck!

April 11, 2009 at 1:11 am 2 comments


Dawn Roth

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