Archive for January, 2009

Alignment With Our New President

Families Are A Priority

I am so touched by what President Obama said in his Inauguration Address: “It is a parent’s willingness to nuture a child that finally decides our fate.”

Thanks for my new favorite quote Mr President! I hear you, I’m on it.

January 21, 2009 at 1:07 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coaching: No You Share!

Must a Child Share?  Do You?

Must a Child Share? Do You?

You’re in the park and another child wants the toy your child is currently playing with.  Quick, what  would you do?  Be honest, how many times have you encouraged, expected, begged, coerced or forced your child to share?  Now ask, why you would do that?  To save face,  to impress the other parent, to teach your child to be nice or considerate? 

Next question:  would you lend your car keys, purse or husband to just anyone?  Even your best friend would know to ask nicely and expect nothing.  And some things are off limits.  Period.  So are adults really sharing in the way that we ask our kids to share?  Not really.  Yet the prevailing opinion is that sharing is good, being selfish is bad.  So what can a thoughtful parent do?

Stop making kids share is a good start.  If you want to teach consideration in a real world context, explore Trading as a replacement.  Instead of insisting that one child arbitrarily loses some power by giving up a toy or a turn to another, ask them to find something of value to trade.  When the deals start being made you have a whole new lesson to enjoy!

Kids who have trading skills have practiced finding things others will value, making powerful requests, accepting no as an answer, negotiating creative counter offers and finding a way to solve conflict without force.  Not bad for a day at the park!

Start your trading coaching right now.  To balance and include altruistic giving experiences for your child, get connected with a charity your family is passionate about.  Share your love, not your toys!

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January 18, 2009 at 4:39 pm Leave a comment

Parent Coaching: Do Parents Keep Agreements?

Who Parents The Parents?

Who Parents The Parents?

Yes, but not the same ones as your kids!  When House Rules are made by a family, it seems only fair that the adults and the kids are responsible for keeping them, right?  Not so much!

This may fly in the face of the way you have been doing things at home, but check it out:  The Agreements exist so that the children are taught a standard of behavior they are working on.  Take Being Grateful.   Kids need lots of practice with this one.  How about using a quiet voice inside?  Mom still struggling with that one?  No.

Think of the hundreds of Agreements parents are currently managing and those they have mastered over time; compare that to the Agreements listed for your family.  You figured out Be Gentle decades ago, right?  The Agreements are there to guide your child and provide a measurement for them to compare choices in the moment. 

When rules are broken, it begs a corresponding punishment.  Agreements are different.  If you don’t keep your agreement, you measure yourself (or your parent coaches you) and you choose again, knowing the consequences.  To encourage or expect a child to monitor adult behavior, point out when it is lacking and Demand a price be paid if  parent breaks their word is inappropriate power.  If you do it you are feeding the monster you are working to slay.

Adults manage their own agreements:  Speed limits, fidelity, businesses, mortages, bills, ethical and legal concerns are real and present.  Adults experience natural consequences for keeping them or not.   That is the real world, to do otherwise gives kids practice with an artificial world they can’t use to cope later on. 

There is more to learn, get the Audio Download on Agreements (and a bunch of other cool topics) here.  Five dollars for one/ 8 for $25. http://www.licensed2parent.com/services.html

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January 15, 2009 at 2:10 am Leave a comment

Writing the Parenting Book Just Got Easier!

Finding the Time to Write

Finding the Time to Write

Check out my new widget for my Dr Wicked Writing Lab!  It is under the links on the right.

So cool to have found this tool for writers.  If you are writing, or know someone who is, check it out.  It times you, then if you stop typing, it uses color, nasty audio alerts and even an untype feature to keep you on track for the time or word count you enter!

Then you just copy it to your word doc and you are good to go!  I really did 800 words in 35 min as it says! I’m using it everyday now!  The book will be out sooner than expected now…

January 12, 2009 at 2:25 am Leave a comment

Parent Plan: Know What You Say

Most conflict in families are caused by Power Struggles, agreed?  Well what if you were causing ,say, half without even realizing it?  Would you want to know?  Good, I want to tell you.  It’s how you talk to your kids that is the problem.  You wouldn’t drive to work in reverse, so why are you asking a child “Can we go now?” or “Do you want to take a bath?”

These are the Communication Gears.  Knowing them makes for less upsets in families, period.  Suggest things that are low key.  Whatever dude.  Request when you are OK with getting NO or a COUNTER OFFER, and don’t when you aren’t!  When it is time to be the parent, make a Demand and be consistent, but use sparingly!  Commands are for saftey and danger.  Yell when you need to alert, not just to let off steam!!!! 

Now we can use this knowledge to teach our family or manipulate them.  Can you recognize the difference? 

Suggestions can be sweet OR sarcastic

Requests are made powerfully OR with a pretense

Demands convey respect OR dominatation

Commands imply concern OR exasperation

Start listening to How you say What you say.  Both mean something.  When your message and meaning match, you get better results.  To learn more on the entire family plan, visit the website and look for the Build A Better Family Starter Kit:  http://www.licensed2parent.com/services.html

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January 6, 2009 at 6:13 am Leave a comment


Dawn Roth

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