Parent Coaching: Finding the Right Impact

December 9, 2008 at 6:41 pm Leave a comment

Families That Work In Action

Families That Work In Action

You are getting good at this parenting thing.  Your child is not cooperating with getting ready for school, you have calmly mentioned the Agreement and the handy dandy Privilege they will lose if they don’t get a move on.  Feeling rather smug, you watch as they make their next choice. ..

Oh No!  They are goofing off!   That’s it, they lose their favorite toy today!  What’s that?  Did they just say, ‘I don’t care about that, I have other toys!’  Ohmigod, now what?

Identifying just the right impact can make or break your Parenting Moment, for now.  Power Struggle Management (aka Parenting) can be a tricky business.  Here are some tips to get you (and them) back on track.

Did you get the behavior you wanted?  Many times kids will push you to remove a privilege, then say they don’t care about it.  But notice first before you react…are they now cooperating, or doing as you asked, or stopping what was unacceptable?  We get distracted by the apathy and miss that they are minding now!  Focus on the fact that you got the behavior you wanted and ignore the fact that they won’t give you the satisfaction of admitting it.  Who taught them that little ditty anyway?

What else do they value?  Many times the biggest impact are things that are not, well, things!  Time with you, a chance to make choices about meals, outings, etc. the freedom to fill free time and hearing ‘yes, you may’ more than ‘no, you may not’ is worth more than you think.  Let kids tell you what they value by noticing what they ask you for consistently.  Then remind them that these things are privileges.  Choose wisely my child, choose wisely!

Is there something new you can add in?  If these others don’t work, you’re sunk…just kidding!  Find a way to start doing something they (& you) will love and have it be available often, but not always.  Then this thing can be put at stake when you need it.  Seems devious?  You bet.  Have you seen them work you over lately?  Think of parenting as a business, yet motherhood (or daddyhood) as where you really connect and create the relationship you imagined when they were tiny and helpless.  Keep what you choose to add in simple; make a blanket fort, read a bonus story, sip cocoa just the two of you, heart’s desire stuff…

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Entry filed under: "Good" Parenting Skills, Parent Coaching Tips. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Parent Coaching: Can Kids Earn Privileges Back? Parent Coaching Tip: Use Agreements, Lose Rules

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Dawn Roth

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