Parent Coaching Tip – Managing Behavior

November 1, 2008 at 3:30 pm Leave a comment

Capture the basic elements of your Parenting Plan!

Capture the basic elements of your Parenting Plan!

When we launched our first product, the Licensed 2 Parent Starter Kit, I realized that our own Ageements at home were for the most part outdated. That was strange. We had started with our original Agreements back when our son was three. We had 24 of them. I just found the old posterboard behind a cabinet we moved. It was so cool to see them after so long. So many of them were old news; things that were so critical then, but over time, they became part of his foundational behavior. Listen the first time is now solid. Never thought that would happen! Hold hands and stay together is no longer a concern, he sticks around pretty well. Our focus is on independence now too, so it is less that he does it all the time, and more that my expectations have shifted as he grows into new stages.
What we came up with currently are the second wave, so to speak and they include some of my favorites yet. One concern was that he was behaving with that preschool entitlement mindset where your meal mess is ignored, people give you stuff beacuse they should and who cares how adults pay for the entire Transformer fleet? I want it, now. We have three great new agreements that work on replacing these unwanted habits with our values:
First time manners
Beat the reminder
Be grateful
How we use them looks like this:
He needs to use polite words as things happen without being prompted.
As we give him something he has asked for, if he does not say Thank you, we say, “If you are not using first time manners, we cannot give you this.” If that is not possible, we use one of the current privileges from our list. If in the same day he fails to use manners, a another privilege is at risk. We are getting much better results.
He needs to manage the mess he creates while eating, playing, etc. before we remind him.
This works so well, because he treats it as a game. Using the A + B = C is not really necessary, but it is there if we need it.
He needs to show that he is thankful for what he has, even if he wants more.
Ever given a child a few nice surprises and they whine for even more? That makes us twitch, so this was critical for us. It has already prompted some comments like, “Thanks for dessert, next time can I have some ice cream?” Now that is music to our ears!
For more information on Agreements, the Starter Kit and other Licensed 2 Parent concepts to use with your children, visit www.licensed2parent.com.
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Entry filed under: "Good" Parenting Skills, Parent Coaching Tips, Parenting Plan. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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Dawn Roth

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