Parent Coach Tips: Parenting In Public

Toddler Smack Down

It happened again.  I’m at a bagel joint minding my own business when the 2 year old at the next table hauls off and whacks mom in the face.  I get that sinking feeling that I get when I know I’m about to watch 1) a woman go parental 2)a child be stripped of all dignity 3) I get a front row seat.  Let the inner moan begin…

But wait, what’s that I see?  Did Mom just say firmly, yet quietly, You Do Not Hit! as she moved the wee one away from her to the next seat and effectively stopped being a target?  Yes!  And when the toddler puts on her best face of horror and begins the crying that fully involves her bottom lip, am I mistaken that mom is unmoved and turns her attention to the other people, talking with them until the girl quiets down?  No I am not!  I am enthralled…

What I am witnessing is impeccable parenting, technically sound reactions and skill building lessons that this child (and her new baby brother) will benefit from for their lifetime and beyond.  Hurrah!  But wait there’s more…now mom turns her attention back to her calm child and asks if she is done.  With a meek yes, she is scooped back up to an embrace and the loving interactions continue as if nothing happened.  It was nothing short of breathtaking.

How many times have we seen nails-on-chalkboard parenting in public that has us warring inside between speaking up, getting involved and butting out?  People ask all the time what to do.  Emotionally, you want to respond but it may make things worse for the child later.  Responsibily, you are compelled to act, yet it seems you are passing judgement if you do.  Practically, it is not appropriate to offer unsolicited advice or redirect a struggling parent.  In the case of extreme violence, you know what to do.  If someone’s parenting style doesn’t gel with yours, the line is more blurred.

Here’s what I suggest; look for, seek out, encourage and notice the parenting marvels around you.  When you see something done well, go out of your way to let them know you noticed.  I went over to the table, complimented the baby, asked the sister’s name, then looked into that mom’s eyes and told her the way she handled her child just now, was just… beautiful.  We both teared up in the moment.   

Teacher use praise to motivate behavior we want to see more of, but it must be specific, not Good Job.  In sharing exactly what was so impressive, she got valuable feedback.  Find the parents like her, tell them how happy you are they are rocking it.  It feels awesome!

Parent Coach Tips: Who Wants A Parenting Makeover?

Your Parenting Cheat Sheet

You don’t have to be ugly to benefit from a beauty makeover.  Parenting is the same.  You can freshen your outlook and results with a few tricks of the trade and simple tools that will stop your minor parenting issues in their tracks. 

Go Live. At a parent conference, workshop or course, you can get so much accomplished.  See how you are making power struggles last longer and more frequent due to a parent’s bad habits.  Communication Gears clear up so many repetitive conversations.  You get to ask questions and hear the coaching of other parents which in turn may help your family.

Read & Think.  If you are a contemplative parent or going through a divorce with emotional ups and downs; a book, blog, audio product or DVD may be a good bet.  You pick the where and when yet can stop at will.  This helps you understand parenting issues at the basic level.  You may miss how to structure a useful A + B = C Statement to manage tantrums with a child, but when it is reviewable, things start to gel so your parenting moments are smoother.

Talk Shop.  Do you use conversation to make a change or decision?  Then get with the Parent Coaching Hotline.  This is so hot, so new, so unheard of, parents don’t get it.  For under $96, you become a member plus get the eBook and Home Starter Kit.  Then, just $16 a month gives you access to a Parent Coach for unlimited topics, 30 minutes per topic!  One Dad called to check in on his idea to use his daughter’s Birthday party as privilege for how she was relating to the new family after his marriage.  In minutes, he had a confident, empowered plan that worked!

 

Your Family Can Work, Beautifully!

Cheat Sheet. Feel like you forget the logic you know when you get triggered by your child?  Parenting discipline includes having a structure  that is there for your “family” even when you are off.  The Home Starter Kit has it all posted for you.  Keep track of the current Agreements that work for your family, refer to the four Communication Gears when your child is Demanding the *%$@ out of you, manage your chosen Privileges to motivate behavior choices (and they do NOT have to match the neighbors), avoid sounding like an idiot in public with your iron clad Rights worked out, let them know where you will not negotiate with Parent In Charge situations, but give lots of appropriate power through the Child In Charge list.  If you haven’t seen it you gotta check it out!

Open The Door.  Ever wished Supernanny could come to your house?  It’s certainly possible.  What you don’t realize is how much your parenting can improve even if the family is not in crisis.  A Parent Coach can see so many patterns at work in your family that are hidden to you.  It takes usually 4 hours over 2 sessions.  Go from parenting fail to parenting that amazes even you!

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Parent Coaching Tip: Types Of Crying & Then What?

What Type Is This?

There are 6 Types of Crying if you care to learn them.  BTW the crying behavior looks different at different ages, so by crying I also mean, whining, fussing, yelling, bickering, complaining, name calling, and general verbal outbursts.  This could turn your Power Struggles around instantly. 

Sad or Hurt Crying is when you need to respond.  Don’t assume though, ask.  Are you hurt crying?  Are you sad about your friend moving?  If they are, provide kisses, bandaids, ice, hugs, comfort, listen and sympathize at will.  This is when they need you and need to deal with a feeling to get it out. 

Happy Crying is just like it sounds.  When they are that Happy, join them!  If you happen to be the one weeping with joy, say that so they don’t fret over you!

Tired Crying or Attention Crying are a means to an end that you may be able to help them with.  Think long car trips with cranky kids or upsets when you are on the phone and you see the problem.  It’s not what they need, it’s how they ask.  Teach them to say, “I’m tired,” when they need help settling down or the activity to quiet.  Model for them saying, “I want attention,” when they crave a piece of you.  Let them know that you will indulge them unless you absolutely can’t but they need to ask another way.  This works amazingly, try it!

Silly Crying is when they are trying to manipulate those around them to a different result.  Think of this type of behavior as a fire which must be starved of any and all oxygen in order to smother it!  As soon as you have a cryer, make sure it is not another type, if they just want something they can’t get (at the moment), that’s TBSS (Too Bad SO Sad).  This is where our parenting backbone is tested.  Be clear that if they use this crying, NOTHING will happen and NOTHING will go their way.  Be confident and do not undermine yourself!  Let’em wail and wait it out (preferably in another room) when they have self control back, you talk.  Not before.

Parent Coaching Tip: Get Started Already! Agreements Await

A big part of the Family Plan Starter Kit

I’ve done some research.  Here’s what those I’ve asked have said;  when they hear about my program they immediately see value and like the concepts.  Here’s what else they say.  That they don’t get started right away!  WHAT?  Are you kidding me?  The results can’t happen without getting started, and believe me the results are the Juice of our program.  You can study Power Struggles all you want, but if you don’t change anything with your kids, nothing will change.

So I asked why and here’s what they say:

Too busy to really make the plan to present to kids

Didn’t know how to explain it to the kids

Couldn’t figure out all the the parts first.

Here’s what you need to know!  Stop acting like you have to figure everything out first and then have the heavens open and the angels sing to make a difference in your family.  Want to get started today?  Here’s how…

The NEXT issue that comes up in your family, notice it and mentally mark it for your first Agreement.After things settle down, say, “The way you and your sister were fighting didn’t wotk for me, did it work for you?”

Ask, “Do you want a family that works?”

Say, “What Agreement can we have that covers fighting that we can agree to have as important?”

Once they figure this out, ask, “OK so we agree to Be Gentle and Use Words When Upset, can you agree to that?”

BAM!  You have your first Agreement.  Stop waiting for your Fairy Godmother to fix it all up for you.  When you ask yourself and your family what they Want More Of and Want Less Of in the family, you will get plenty to make into Agreements.  Cars are a great place to have these talks.  If you have media on your car, TURN IT OFF!  Way better talks that way.

You can leave your inner evil step-parent in the dust and create the fairy tale family of your dreams.  Make it happen today!

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See Dawn Roth Live! The 6 Min Look At Her Parenting Crash Course

The calendar is booking up with folks wanting their community to experience The Parenting Crash Course.  We will be appearing at private schools, preschools, birth centers, womanhood/pregnancy spas, mom’s groups, performing arts schools, women’s conferences, community centers, transitional living centers for foster care youth and many more.

To see if your group can get a spot, share this link then contact us for details. 

It is a no cost way to offer value to your families and give them a way to create peace and teamwork at home.  In this economy how valuable would that be?  One Mom just reported this:  4 Days in Orlando, 3 Parks, 2 kids under 6, 1 privilege at risk = 0 POWER STRUGGLES!  Find out what that is all about.

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Parent Coaching: Affordable, On Demand Service

Parent Support is a phone call away!

Parents love my program.  They get results and want to know how to fully put it to use in their own family.  Up to now, the best way to do that was to attend a live event (not always convenient) or work with me in the home as your personal coach (not always in the budget).  These options were limited in how far the program could reach and that was my biggest concern.  I am compelled to get this message to the families who want and need it!  Now I can…

If you ever wished you had access to an expert Parent Coach when your parenting went haywire or your results were awful, this is the program for you.  The Pre Paid Parent Coaching program gives you affordable yet on demand support when you need it.  Under $20 per month gets you 30 to 60 minutes on the phone with a Parent Coach working on a parent plan custom for your family plus discounts on tools, products, hourly coaching and live events.  There is nothing else out there like it. 

All your questions and curiosity can be handled on the website www.licensed2parent.com then click the button for Pre Paid Parent Coaching.  Please share this post with the next parent that complains to you or is frustrated about being a parent.  They are doing the best they can, yet if they are willing to take a look at their own behavior, their best can get better very quickly!

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Parent Coaching Tip – Managing Behavior

Capture the basic elements of your Parenting Plan!

When we launched our first product, the Licensed 2 Parent Starter Kit, I realized that our own Ageements at home were for the most part outdated. That was strange. We had started with our original Agreements back when our son was three. We had 24 of them. I just found the old posterboard behind a cabinet we moved. It was so cool to see them after so long. So many of them were old news; things that were so critical then, but over time, they became part of his foundational behavior. Listen the first time is now solid. Never thought that would happen! Hold hands and stay together is no longer a concern, he sticks around pretty well. Our focus is on independence now too, so it is less that he does it all the time, and more that my expectations have shifted as he grows into new stages.

What we came up with currently are the second wave, so to speak and they include some of my favorites yet. One concern was that he was behaving with that preschool entitlement mindset where your meal mess is ignored, people give you stuff beacuse they should and who cares how adults pay for the entire Transformer fleet? I want it, now. We have three great new agreements that work on replacing these unwanted habits with our values:

First time manners

Beat the reminder

Be grateful

How we use them looks like this:

He needs to use polite words as things happen without being prompted.

As we give him something he has asked for, if he does not say Thank you, we say, “If you are not using first time manners, we cannot give you this.” If that is not possible, we use one of the current privileges from our list. If in the same day he fails to use manners, a another privilege is at risk. We are getting much better results.

He needs to manage the mess he creates while eating, playing, etc. before we remind him.

This works so well, because he treats it as a game. Using the A + B = C is not really necessary, but it is there if we need it.

He needs to show that he is thankful for what he has, even if he wants more.

Ever given a child a few nice surprises and they whine for even more? That makes us twitch, so this was critical for us. It has already prompted some comments like, “Thanks for dessert, next time can I have some ice cream?” Now that is music to our ears!

For more information on Agreements, the Starter Kit and other Licensed 2 Parent concepts to use with your children, visit www.licensed2parent.com.

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