Parent Coaching Tip: Referees Beware!

I'm Not Having Fun Now!

It seems kids are always bickering with each other.  How do we stop it?  In 3 words: Step In Less.  When you solve for X in their equations and struggles, you deny them practice they need to learn to work things out. 

Imagine it:  Three boys 6-8 playing hide n seek.  One gets smack happy and the other two start saying that “as a consequence” they will count very quickly or with their eyes open because they are not happy with this treatment.  Things quickly deteriorate.                                                                             

Would You:

A.  Say nothing; let them work it out (unless it comes to blows)

B.  Tell the one who was hitting to cut it out

C.  Tell the “victims’ to move on and stop being mean

D.  Offer to guide them in working it out, until they can do this part on their own

A, B and C all miss out on the group empowerment available in option D.  But Referees beware, don’t try this without proper training or you just end up enabling them to wait for the hero to save them from conflict.  Handling conflict is, BTW, the main skill being developed here. 

The Actual Conversation That Helped:

Are you all having fun?  No.  Do you need to give consequences to each other?  No.  What do you sound like?  A Parent.  What could you do instead?  Ask to make new Agreements.  OK, Who’s first?  They each offered an Agreement:  Hands Off, Count Slow, and Close Eyes.  They all agreed and then were off to the races. 

Two of the three kids families know the Licensed2Parent program, so at this point, these talks go much more quickly nowadays.  This could be you and yours!