Parent Coaching Tip- Learn From Children’s Lies

Awesome insight today about lying. I usually share with audiences the insanity that we expect kids to always share when we don’t and never lie when they see us use it often. This starts an intriguing conversation about the function of lying in our society. Morality aside, I am most concerned with the Parenting Opportunities available.

Up until now I have seen lying as Golden Opportunities in a few ways. A child is lying to cover up something they can’t or won’t deal with. That is good info to pay attention to and if you focus on how to extinugish the lying, you will miss out. The other thing to consider is that during some past reaction to being told the truth it didn’t go so well, now you are being told a lie to avoid that. Another nugget to consider! Keep in mind that as a child grows and expresses themselves freely, you have reactions that range from benign to heated and that informs your child of how to share with you in the future.

This weekend my son came back from an awesome sleepover and did NOT want to come home. When he said as much, my husband and I were stung but kept those feelings to ourselves. Instead, we shared how we had felt the same way and still struggle with the the grass is greener concept as adults. Modeling being able to hear the truth, even uncomfortable truths, allows us to enjoy the Privilege of our son being able to say what he thinks, now and when he is older.

SO back to the insight. Just like I say there are different types of crying: Sad Crying, Hurt Crying, Silly Crying, that inform the parent and shape the reaction, there are different types of lies! In speaking to a number of people today, we identified these: Tricking (Fun Lying), Scared Lying (Avoiding Trouble), Mean Lying (Getting Someone in Trouble), Kind Lying (Considering Others), Matched Lying (Saying What They Want to Hear). So imagine that a child says something that is suspect. Instead of having to focus on stopping the lying, you can have a conversation that models how to have a healthy relationship to lying. Ask, “Are you tricking or scared lying?” This gives the child freedom to say they lied and then you can move into solutions without punishment.

I’m excited about this one…no lie!

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